Faith Restored
by gato
Summary: This vignette follows my unfinished story,"Faith in the Dark". Declan and Peggy discover the truth. Feedback would be so appreciated. I would like to write a few more vignettes in the near future.


Faith Restored  
  
This scene takes place after the events described in Faith In the Dark, my unfinished story. (See chapter 8-Author's Note of Faith in the Dark for the lowdown) I again thank everyone for their kind and encouraging responses to the story.  
  
Peggy allowed herself one more long, luxurious stretch before sliding her legs slowly to the bedside rug. She glanced at the clock on her nightstand and sighed. 'Three hour nap. Not long enough.' she thought. She ran her hands quickly through her hair and forced herself to undress and head to the bathroom for a long relaxing shower. Peggy paused and contemplated her reflection in the bathroom mirror. Dissatisfaction clouded her deep brown eyes. Miranda and Declan were expecting her to join them for a late Sunday lunch but the thought of enduring more strained, friendly conversation with Declan filled her with a mixture of anticipation and dread. 'I have enough paperwork to take a rain check', she thought. Turning from the mirror, Peggy got into the shower and remembered that Miranda insisted that they get together today to celebrate a day off. Peggy knew that Declan would try to talk her into going to Los Angeles to investigate a "miracle cure" case. Although she had told him no already, Miranda begged her to think about it and come out and enjoy the day. Peggy stood still under the warm shower convincing herself to make the best of the day with her friends. Shaking her head, she smiled grimly and again wished that she knew what to do with her confused feelings for Declan Dunn.  
  
Declan shifted nervously in the driver's seat of his truck. He was parked across the street from Peggy's house considering his options. Thanks to Miranda, he faced spending the rest of the afternoon alone with Peggy. On many levels, this appealed to him and allowed himself to briefly slip into one of his favorite fantasies. He snapped back to reality when he realized that over the past two months, he and Peggy had shared many uncomfortable moments. Ever since the close of the mysterious "shadow on the wall case", Declan knew that things were different between them. He slouched in the seat remembering the argument over the telephone about Peggy's overnight outing with a date. Miranda was still tight-lipped over the details of that relationship but encouraged Declan to forget about Peggy's brief dalliance with Elliott Cauldfield. Now, staring across the street at her house, Declan wished he had not over reacted to Peggy's disappearance that night. 'Oh well', he sighed to himself, 'I can at least try to get back to a working friendship with her'. Believing that this was possible bolstered his spirits as he got out of the truck. Standing at Peggy's front door, Declan was unable to ring the bell because he had suddenly decided he had to cancel this solo outing with her to avoid having to confront the nagging need to tell her how he really felt. 'Thanks, Miranda. You just had to go see your father's new house.' He leaned against the front door and faced the street waiting for inspiration.  
  
Peggy didn't notice the flashing light on the bedroom answering machine until she was fully dressed and brushing her damp hair into a ponytail. She hit play and Miranda's voice filled the room. Peggy listened in horror as her friend apologized for having to drop out of today's lunch plans because her father was having a little house warming party at his new condo in town. Peggy sank to the bed and sat there feeling glad for Miranda's better relationship with her dad but cursing the timing of this father -daughter bonding event. Miranda's voice lowered a notch when she insisted that Peggy and Declan go out as planned and have a pistachio ice-cream cone for her. The message ended with an uncharacteristically, upbeat "good-bye" from the reserved Miranda. Peggy jumped up from her bed and ran downstairs to get her briefcase. Her mind raced with possible explanations and excuses. 'Work. I have to get this stuff done.' She decided to use the paperwork as an excuse when Declan called. Peggy paused in the kitchen doorway and thought about calling him first and canceling the outing. Her decision was made when the doorbell rang like a wake-up alarm throughout the house. She went to the front window and saw Declan's truck parked across the street. Her eyes slanted toward the front step and rested on the man himself waiting at her door.  
  
The front door swung open so fast that Declan thought for a moment that it fell from its hinges. He took a startled step backward as Peggy appeared in the doorway with a big, nervous smile.  
  
"Hi Declan. I just picked up Miranda's message. I was in the shower when she called," Peggy rapidly informed. "Come in." She was leaving the doorway as Declan stepped inside and shut the door. He watched her practically run to the dining room table and sit in front of her laptop and several open file folders. " I came by a little early. When Miranda called I was about to call her and cancel." Declan laughed tightly, " Yeah, I got this student looking for extra credit research. So he's only free on weekends and he's been like, calling me all weekend about this.."  
  
"Oh, look Declan, no problem." Peggy interrupted, "You see what I'm up to my ears in right now. I was trying to figure out how to get this all done and still make lunch." She tried to slow her heartbeat but it surged ahead causing her to rush her words. Declan was standing next to her now at the table. She inhaled the leather of his bomber jacket and his favorite drug store soap. Cautiously, she looked up at him and noticed that his five o'clock shadow was a shade darker and his eyes were glued to her laptop screen. Peggy quickly shut the lid. " Don't peruse my patient files for investigative material," she joked.  
  
Declan strolled away from her side and stood further down the table. 'She's nervous, she's so damn beautiful and she smells good. I'm outta here,' he thought as he watched her close up the file folders. " I'm not looking for a new case, Peg. I still have that one brewing in Los Angeles. I hope you change your mind and come with us."  
  
Peggy stood up and walked toward the kitchen to avoid his eyes. The guilt welled up fast knowing that she could arrange her work hours to go to Los Angeles and help out. " I can't work around the inpatient client schedule right now. You guys go ahead. Call me with updates." She finally turned from the refrigerator. "Can I get you anything? I have coffee made."  
  
"No thanks." He felt the distance growing. He was feeling slightly frantic. He wanted to stop the cordial charade and hash out the source of their problems. "I'm gonna run. I'll catch up to the kid at the library and get him started. Let's do breakfast or something this week. I don't know when we're leaving for L.A. yet." Declan tried to smile but failed. Peggy lingered between the kitchen and dining room. Her black pants and white silk shirt hugged her curves so well that he jealously wondered what other plans she had for today. He shook off these musings and headed toward the front door. " Don't work too hard, Peg. You worked late last night at the hospital. Take it easy today." Declan said with concern.  
  
Peggy followed him to the door and opened it. He stepped outside and turned to her. They didn't attempt to avoid eye contact, as both were suddenly feeling afraid that the distance between them just expanded too far. Declan moved backward while watching her fake smile. Peggy waved at him as he finally turned to cross the street.  
  
"Bye, Peggy. I'll talk to you this week."  
  
"Okay." She closed the door slowly and stood behind it in the safety of her foyer hoping Declan did not notice that her laptop screen was showing a screen saver. His truck rumbled away. Peggy remained standing in the foyer lost in thought. As the silent minutes ticked by, she cursed herself for being the proverbial physician unable to heal her own illness. 'I want him in my life. I value his friendship and I.' Her thoughts were abruptly drowned out by the sound of Declan's truck grinding to halt in front of her house. She opened the front door just as Declan slammed the truck door. He walked toward her never taking his eyes from hers. Peggy swallowed several times trying to guess what brought him back and why he looked so annoyed. When he paused several feet from her his expression changed to confusion.  
  
"Peggy, we . need to talk. Well, I need to explain some things.oh man, this is not coming out right." Declan sputtered.  
  
"Are you okay, Declan?" Peggy asked in the concerned doctor voice she reserves for her patients. "Why don't you come in and we'll."  
  
"No." Declan was back to being annoyed again. He moved closer to her afraid that she'd run into the house and close the door on him. "We have to talk .about what's going on with us."  
  
"Us?" Peggy voice was just above a whisper. Her eyes widened in genuine perplexity.  
  
Declan nervously took one of her hands and gently squeezed it. "Let's go inside." He gave her his first real smile of the day despite the drumming heart in his chest.  
  
The seclusion of Peggy's back deck included a spectacular view of the bay by day and a wide span of star filled sky at night. She cherished the solitude and serenity her little refuge provided at the end of a chaotic workday. Now she found herself sitting on the very edge of her favorite lounge chair, completely oblivious to the beautiful view, staring at Declan's back. He left his jacket inside and rolled up the sleeves of his denim shirt. As usual, he leaned on the deck railing to privately enjoy the view. He turned around after several long minutes filled with expectation.  
  
" I'm not real good at this stuff. This is gonna sound crazy to you but I can't be a real friend to you anymore, Peg." He paused but rushed ahead when he saw her about to speak. " Don't. Let me get this out." Peggy stood up and joined him at railing. Together they turned to view the late afternoon sky. Declan continued almost breathlessly. " We used to be comfortable around each other. We used to have no problem working together or having fun.or just doing nothing together. All these months.we're different now. Since Emma, I'm different. I thought she and I would .you know.start something good. We didn't. She really needed to travel to boost her career. I got that. I had no desire to get in her way or anything."  
  
Peggy jumped in while he exhaled. " You too had something special. I may not have liked her very much but I could see that you and she were .you know.working on something good."  
  
Declan glanced sideways to see if she was wearing her sarcastic face. Instead he found her sadly staring at the water. "Peggy, it may have started that way but I knew before she left the first time that it wouldn't work."  
  
"I'm sorry about that, Declan. I know I was less than supportive and I wish I could take back everything I said. I know my behavior caused bad feelings between us. I'm glad we can open up about this now." Peggy chuckled softly. "I should know better, right? You see, we are friends. Friends can be honest about bad feelings and share them. So don't say you can't be my friend. I'm not angry with you, Declan. There is nothing for us to forgive, either. I'm just embarrassed that I didn't take the first step like you did today. Thank you for that. What's the matter?"  
  
Declan began pacing while she was talking. He paced to the screen door several more times before he stopped at her side. " I can't believe I'm here with you now. I can't believe I'm about to say this." He paused for a breath and stared into her worried eyes. "You got it all wrong, Peg. Emma and I couldn't go anywhere because of you. You. Did you just hear what I said? I can't believe I finally got it out." Declan paused again and nervously shoved his hands in his jean pockets. Peggy stared at him waiting for an explanation while the butterflies in her chest grew larger and more frantic. Declan leaned forward to slowly pull her into his arms. Peggy moved willingly despite the startled look in her eyes. She didn't move when he leaned even closer and lightly brushed his lips against hers. Both flinched at the sudden heat that flared between them. Declan gently slid his arms from around her waist. " I couldn't be with her," he whispered, "when all I could think about was you."  
  
Peggy couldn't look away from his face. His eyes were soft and questioning. Like many times before, she allowed herself the pleasure of his intense gaze. They did not step apart when Declan pulled his arms away. She was not prepared for this moment but had thought about it so many times over the past several months. Now his confession changed everything. Peggy wanted to explain away this moment but his soft kiss incinerated her rational thoughts.  
  
" Oh man...I'm sorry, Peg" Declan stepped a few inches away from her, hands still deep in his pockets. He anxiously looked around the patio searching for a place to hide to avoid jumping over the railing and into the water below. 'She's going to slap me any second now.' He thought to himself.  
  
" It's okay. I'm just.a little . unsure about what just happened here." Peggy stammered. She felt her face flushing as she struggled for words. 'Composure. Must compose myself.' Peggy let the mantra calm her. "Declan, this is probably not a good time to look for more in our relationship. We haven't been very friendly toward each other. I admit, I was avoiding you. When you and Emma were dating, things became strained between us. She didn't approach investigations the way we did so, of course, there was friction." Peggy watched him frown at her words. She quickly spoke again. "I think we should work on being friends."  
  
Declan bowed his head to look at the scuffmarks on his boots. Hands out of his pockets now, he folded his arms across his chest and wondered if she heard what he told her just two minutes ago. "Peggy, I'm sorry about the way I just blurted that out. I guess the lip contact was inappropriate too." He laughed ruefully. " I wish I could do it all over again but I can't take it back." His amusement quickly dissolved. "I don't want to take it back. Don't worry about our friendship. You're still one of the only people in this world I trust with everything, you know that. I think maybe we're at the end of the friendship part of this relationship. I think. being friends now is really hard because.it's more than. you know. friendship."  
  
Peggy looked at the scuffmarks on Declan's boots also. "Okay then. There's some logic there. I guess I'm .I don't know-"  
  
"Scared?" Declan said. "Me too. But I can't let this moment be explained away. I don't want to go home and still wonder if I'm wrong about this. I know what I'm feeling right now, right this minute. Do you? I wish you would tell me." His eyes bore into hers seeking answers.  
  
Peggy slowly shut her eyes hoping that would stop her heart from talking first. Several seconds later, she opened them and found Declan still looking for an answer. No rational thoughts or reasonable explanations could be found now. Adrift on her own, Peggy gave in to what she knew was in her traitorous heart.  
  
"Yes . I know what I feel. I've wanted this to happen. I pushed it away because it felt safer." She smiled. "You drive me crazy. You never stop trying to pull me in every direction. Places I've never been, places I would never dream of going."  
  
"Is that a good thing?" Declan tried to hide the light-headedness that her admission caused. "Because if I can drive a shrink crazy who knows where else I can take her." He was smiling when he took her hands into his own. "I really want to find out."  
  
They stood silently looking at their joined hands and growing more amazed with each passing second. Peggy squeezed his hands. " I want to find out too. Just . please be patient with me, Declan. I slowed everything down in my life for a reason."  
  
"I know, Peg." He whispered as he pulled her into a hug. Declan sighed into her hair and looked up at sky. He silently promised a certain dearly departed husband that the love of his short life would be happy again. Peggy interrupted his thoughts. She turned her back into his chest to join him in admiring the late afternoon sky. He couldn't help how tightly he wrapped his arms around her nor did he stop himself from planting a short, soft kiss on her ear.  
  
"Declan?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
She closed her eyes to savor the warm breath at her ear. "Do you think Miranda set us up today?"  
  
"Big time."  
  
They laughed at Miranda's successful ploy. Declan turned Peggy around to face him. "I'm going to call my eager research student and ask him to meet me before class tomorrow. Then, I'm going to order a pizza and enjoy dinner out here with you. Sound good?"  
  
"Very good."  
  
Feeling suddenly shy and happy at the same time, they exchanged wordless reassurances. Peggy broke the heavy silence. "I hope we're still taking this slowly."  
  
"I think we're doing okay." 


End file.
